I know not everything is rainbows and sunshine all the time. But I've stayed away from my blog for most of this week because I've been a bit of a buzzkill. And no one wants to hear incessant whining.
Starting around the middle of December I began getting these absolutely horrible migraines. I've always had headaches from time to time, but nothing like this. I had no idea just how debilitating a migraine could be. I woke up in the morning with them, and they would linger around for most of the day. I would get three or four a week. Sometimes getting a day break in between them, just long enough to think they had stopped, only to have them return with a vengeance the very next morning.
I was also experiencing the strangest back pain. Now, I am no stranger to back pain at all. Carrying Owsley around has done some major damage to my spine. But this was a burning sensation. And at times I would have these crippling cramps that came out of nowhere. I have a Mirena, and I don't have a period anymore, but I do experience horrible cramps for a day or so, twice a month. Cramps that are similar to labor pains, that I never had during pre-Mirena periods. And I consider myself to have a fairly high tolerance to pain.
It's easy for me to make excuses for both of these problems. I assumed my migraines were related to sinus problems. And the back problems were just from lifting my large child. But then around the end of January I started feeling bummed out. For no particular reason. I felt like there was this black cloud floating over my head. It wasn't that I was exactly sad, just listless. I just didn't care one way or another. I couldn't find the basic motivation to get anything accomplished. And I felt like I couldn't focus on even the simplest of tasks. I stopped reading many books midway because I just couldn't concentrate on the words. I consider myself a pretty positive person, although I do get down from time to time. But I could tell this was different. And even though I am already an emotional person, some of the stupidest stuff was making me tear up. Like.....a song on Doc McStuffins. Or when I was doing 'Mugsy Baloney' on Just Dance, because it made me think about how much I wish I had been born in another era. I was also having these insane mood swings, getting irritable at stuff that has never bothered me before. I would say something to Peppy and while I was saying it, my head was screaming out "Don't say that!!" But it was literally like I had absolute no control over stopping myself.
One day I sat down and started looking up stuff and began to read about women randomly experiencing problems with their Mirena. It was like a window of sunlight had been opened for me. All these women having the exact same issues that I was. And out of nowhere too! I thought the Mirena was perfect for me for about 18 months, and then this slew of complications began to arise. I talked to a neighbor of mine and our stories were eerily similar. She recently had her Mirena removed and she said she immediately felt a sense of relief. She even asked me if I was having hot flashes, which had never even dawned on me before. I can't tell you how many nights over the past month I have woken in a sweat and had to furiously kick the covers off. (And we sleep the with the thermostat at 68 and a fan directly in my face.) She did warn me that with her experience, things only got worse until she had her IUD removed.
So now I am going to schedule an appointment to have this little chunk of foreign material removed from my body. And now I am at a crossroads with birth control. My body just cannot handle massive hormones of the pill. They make me feel sick and crazy. And I had the Nuvaring once, and it fell out into the toilet. The instructions say just to wash it off and re-insert it. No way. Plus, you can basically call me Fertile Mertile, because Gage was conceived on birth control, and I got pregnant with Owsley on our first 'try.' So I'm scared to just not use anything. I wish there was someway I could bottle up this fertility and give it to some of my friends who have so much trouble conceiving. :-/
I did research before I got the Mirena, but after months of not having any issues, I really thought this was the miracle birth control for my body. But after two years, I can see my body is at war. Peppy and I both feel like our family is complete, so perhaps sterilization in some form is around the corner. After Gage was born, we both said he would be our one and only, but the 'what if' always lingered in my head. After Owsley was born, it was like a door was closed. If for some reason in the future that door decides to creak open, well then, we will get a guinea pig. Or adopt. Adoption is a wonderful thing.
And just because I would like to end this post on a lighter note (and because I constantly make up parodies in my head) here is a mini Mirena song, to the tune of 'Macarena.' Be thankful I'm not sharing the version of 'You're so Vain' that I made up about Pepper.
"Hey everybody, I've got the Mirena.
Sometimes it gives me headaches
and it makes me feel insane-a.
But I can't get pregnant,
and for that I can't complain-a.
Hey the Mirena!"