sorry, i can't talk right now. there's a foot in my mouth.



I have a big problem with 'foot in mouth' syndrome. I always have. Nothing is ever intended to be mean-spirited though. It's just that my mind thinks some pretty unusual things, and there seems to be no filter between my brain and my mouth. And I'm a pretty quick witted person, so at times I can find myself in trouble if I don't think before I speak. Especially when I don't know the person too well, and they don't realize most of what I say is in jest.

I can only think of one time in my life that I intentionally said something rude to someone, and I am pulling the pregnancy card on that incident. We were in the parking lot of Five Guys, and Gage *barely* opened the door of our car into some beat up car next to us. Peppy profusely apologized, but this stupid redneck kept calling him a punk and going off on him. So I dropped an f bomb on the guy, which is insane considering I don't even curse. (That's why I'm chalking it up to pregnancy hormones.) As we drove away, the crazy guy was running across the parking lot, flipping us off with both hands. Peppy and I couldn't stop laughing and he couldn't get over what I had said to the guy. (I don't even send back my food when it's wrong, that's how passive I am and how much I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.)

But anyway, that's not the point of this post. I tend to have a problem with saying the wrong thing at really inappropriate times, and I just can't seem to help it. There are a handful of these moments that I still remember, and my face burns just thinking about them. Starting from the earliest to the most recent, let me share some of these with you. (And let me warn you that they get increasingly worse as I get older.)

1. Eight years old, shopping with my grandmother. We went into a store that belonged to a friend of hers. It was filled with porcelain dolls and tea sets, stuff that I just wasn't into at all. Grandmother's friend asked me if there was anything that I liked, and without hesitating I said, "Nope. Not at all." And while I was being honest, the look on the lady's face clearly stated that she thought I was the most rude little girl she had ever met. I tried to cover it up by saying, "Uhh...But that's because I haven't had a chance to look around." But it was too late.

2. Twelve years old at the dentist's office. The hygienist checking out my teeth mentions that I have gotten bigger since the last time she saw me. Without missing a beat, I said, "Yeah. You really have too." Oops.

3. Junior High, lunch line. It's pizza day. I was talking to my friend who had a kind of bad acne problem at the time. She said something to me, I don't remember what, but my reply was, "Ok. Sure, pizza face." I can still see the hurt in her eyes. And I promise you 100% that I didn't even think about HER face when I said that. Sometimes random word vomit comes out of my mouth. You can ask Peppy. He's lived with me long enough to know that the stuff I say is insane.

4. Senior year of high school. A couple friends and I would make jokes about how we were uhhh....'dating' each others dads. One of my friends said something snarky to me, and I said, "Oh, well that's not what your dad said last night." Might not sound so bad, right? Well, her dad had died two weeks before. :-/ I apologized profusely and she promised me it was ok. But still, I can't think about that incident without feeling like a tool.

And now. When Peppy and I started dating we would banter back and forth and his comeback was always "Your mom wears combat boots." Whatever that is supposed to mean. So I would say, "Your mom wears stripper boots." Well over the years it has just shortened down to us saying, "Your mom" back and forth. I can't tell you how many times I have had to close my mouth mid statement since Suzie passed away. I've definitely been having to recondition a bad habit over here.

I guess that's why I like blogging so much. Even if I do think of something to say, I can actually think about it and backspace if it's really inappropriate.


Becca said...

I like you. I am the same way and I don't even realize it most of the time! Joey has to say something after the situation, like "Did you realize what you just said?"

I can think of a particular time that still bugs me. One time, in high school, I had a few friends over and one who happened to be a little person. He was playing with my kitten at the time and she was acting all crazy so I said "HEY! Chill out, little one!" aHe and everyone else gave me a look that said they immediately thought I was talking about him so to make matters more awkward, I said "Not you, Zach." aaaaand he never came over again after that.

Holly F. said...

As you know, I can commiserate. :)

But I would like to think that I have gotten a better filter for my mouth since I've aged...maybe? I wish!

Rinny said...

Aww man I hate that feeling when you remember that bad thing you said years ago. Each term at school I would vow to be a quieter person the next year. It never worked.

Sara Bell said...

I'm the same way. A lot of the time I'm just trying to be funny and it might be taken wrong, but most of the time it's because I'm socially awkward and try to throw in a joke like that with a group of people who are joking like that. Most of the time those people have all been friends for 700 years and I'm just meeting them for the first time. =/

Amber and Scott said...

My foot pretty much LIVES in my mouth!!! Its caused a LOT of drama and awkward situations throughout the course of my life.

Sadie Dear said...

Ha! You made me giggle to read this, and I soooo needed that. I have a big problem with verbal vomit sometimes, too! It happens to the best of us all, I guess.

ican'tsew said...

I'm the same way!! I went with my husband to his Aunt's house for some holiday, i forget which, and his cousin walks up to me and says "Hey girl!How are you?" and my reply was "I'm good, how are you?..still pregnant i see". I had forgotten she had given birth 2 weeks prior.

Luckily she's the same way, so she just laughed it off.

Nikole Taylor said...

Oh my gosh, I do the same thing! I never think before I speak and always offend people. Which isn't good! When I was younger I always made my older sister cry because of "teasing" her. Sooo bad.

Babes Mami said...

I am a 'think before I speak' person too, it has served me wrong so many times!!

I was going to comment about my husband and our 'your mom' fests and then I read your little part about it. My husbands mother died six years ago and it was a few years before we got together but it took almost a year before I said 'I keep holding back from saying 'your mom yada yada' because I don't want to hurt you' and he explained it was okay. I know it will take time for Peppy and you to heal from such a great loss but don't put 'your mom' on the shelf forever. :]

I feel like this was a little rambly but I'm going with it haha

Danielle said...

I 100% can relate to this. Stuff used to just spew out from my mouth, leaving me wondering what in the hell just came out. It was something I had to work on, but somehow I conquered it. Trust me though, there are still moments when it happens. Hah.

Olivia Grace said...

Oh, I can totally relate to this. I also laugh at really inappropriate times. It's a defense mechanism. And it's embarrassing.
Your comment on the Easter baskets made me giggle. I keep everything identical to avoid arguments:)

With Love, Jamie said...

Oh no! These were funny...but I know when that happens, I hate the feeling!!

Caitlin said...

Ohhh shit, I definitely dropped a "your mom" joke on someone whose mom had died recently. And I was drunk once at a bar, and my sister (whose hair gets thinner when she gets stressed) said 'the line is thinning' and I was like 'so's your hair!' I totally didn't mean HER, I tease Rob about that sometimes (because he has two spots that thin) and I felt so shitty. I still do. She totally forgot about it but it still kills me :(

Adrienne said...

Oh yes! my written words are always safer than the my spoken words! A good edit is always nice. :) Stopped by from #UBP12

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